February 16, 2011- Gavin

You would have been twenty-one today, happy birthday. It has been almost two years since you fulfilled your purpose here on earth, and some days it still feels like you are just not returning my phone calls. I know you are celebrating in a better place though, and I know you are still checking up on me.

Gavin was the first boy I ever came close to loving. I lived for the phone calls in between classes and the t-shirts that I managed to steal and hope that the smell of him wouldn't fade from. Everything about the relationship we had was bittersweet. Knowing that I was who he thought about before he went to bed was wonderful, but the fact that he was sleeping 650 miles away wasn't. When I got the phone call that you were not going to be calling me anymore from your brother, it was surreal to say the least. I was so lucky to have recently discovered the love of Christ for me prior to the accident, and have the knowledge and trust that it was all for a reason.

Gavin you taught me everything from how to solve math problems to how to be a better friend. You taught me how to hide under the covers at night when I would talk on the phone so the light wouldn't shine under the crack of my door and you taught me to love who I was created to be. The best thing you taught me though was something you didn't do directly. Christ taught me, through you, how beautiful grace is. He taught me that there is a plan for absolutely everything and everyone and our plan isn't always the right one. Gavin thank you for being a light for Him and letting Christ truly teach me so many lessons through you. I miss you and I will love you forever.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."